Tomorrow my husband and I will have been married for two years. Phew.
We came into our marriage more prepared than many young couples. Because of our truly awesome couples’ Sunday school group we joined when we were engaged, we had a lot of important conversations before we got married that made the transition much easier.
Questions like: What expectations do you have for your spouse and why? What does a supportive spouse look like to you? How will we handle time with both families during the holidays? How will we budget? What’s your primary love language? How will we stay on the same page during busy times? How can we grow in faith together?
Of course, even having those important conversations ahead of time didn’t prevent all issues. Nobody is perfect and no marriage is conflict-free.
But during the days and weeks after our wedding, there were no big surprises. It was like, Well, OK. Here we are. Being married didn’t feel all that different — it just felt right.
Over the last two years, I’ve learned a lot about what love really looks like, about God, and about myself.
In marriage, there are no princess dresses or castles. There will be very few sweeping romantic gestures in your life. Love, instead, is the little things in the everyday.
It’s going for walks and talking about silly stuff and serious stuff. It’s when your husband automatically mutes the TV during commercial breaks because he knows they drive you nuts. It’s checking in to make sure you’re doing a good job. It’s giggling until your stomach hurts. It’s when you have grand plans to be productive and do all the grown-up things but decide to snuggle on the couch and watch Stargate for the 17th time instead. It’s trying your best to love each other in the present moment, even if you’re feeling a little grumpy.
I’m certainly no expert, but with two years under my belt, here are a few habits and mindsets that keep us grounded in marriage:
- Revisit those centering conversations often.
- Praise each other often. Don’t just assume your spouse knows you think highly of them. They need to hear it.
- Sacrifice your own desires often, at least when they’re not important.
- Ask each other how you’re doing, and be honest with the answers.
- Remember that you are on the same team.
- Remember that anything can be fixed together.
- Pray for each other often.
- Take each other and your marriage seriously, but have fun!
Happy anniversary to us. Onward to the next year of love, laughter, and fun together.